Tricksy Brain Part Two

So I woke up this morning, and cried.  I left my room, made some porridge.  Ate it.  Got back into my room.  Cried.  Not good when you have to walk out of your house, and down the street, and sit at your desk, when you don't know whether you are going to hold it together... Continue Reading →


This Tricksy Brain

I went swimming today, this evening in fact and I'm glad I did for a number of reasons. The first reason is that I have felt for the last two days as though I were somehow underground, trying to dig myself up to the surface, where the real air, and the concrete thoughts are, and... Continue Reading →

Thank You B.

I was going to call this post Using my Brain, until I was inspired to call it Thank You B.  As a kid I was excited by a lot of different things.  Music moved me, classical music.  I listened to it, and felt a world unfurling.  It ignited my imagination.  Knowledge too.  I was never... Continue Reading →

Self-Harming and Metta

In the past I have self-harmed on occasions when situations became overwhelming.  It was only an occasional thing, often related to some unbearable tense feeling, that was accompanied by a sense that something needed to be resolved, and drawing a heated knife across the skin did lend a horrible sense of resolution where there was... Continue Reading →


This week has been a total write off.  Actually that is bullshit.  It hasn't been a write off.  I have managed to dig deep into some resiliency somewhere and quit smoking, and it has felt difficult, partly because the withdrawal seems to mimic, or have resurrected some of the depressive low concentration, and disassociation that... Continue Reading →

How to Wake Up a Brain…

I didn't want to speak to anybody at all today...So of course I had a meeting all day, with a visitor who was an organiser for the Union in the South of England.  I'm not sure why she was there, and if I'm honest I was incapable of caring.  My head felt like an enormous... Continue Reading →

Yogic Epiphanies

I had to put a pause on all of my new fitness activities for a few weeks, as I had a chest infection that wouldn't quit, but one class I did manage was the yoga class that I have attended for the last three weeks.  I started doing yoga when I realised that I didn't... Continue Reading →

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