Learning Trust in a Brazilian Jujitsu Class.

This blog is part therapy tonight.  I miss J and B.  We had a great time together in town today, and I'm not lonely, I just miss them.  It a sweet and sour feeling after being paranoid for so long.  It is nice to have a normal emotion even if it is a sad one.... Continue Reading →



I started smoking again recently.  I had quit for about 6 years.  It seemed to be another thing my illness led me to, another element of the self-harming behaviours if you will, and it started with one or two cigarettes at work, and before I knew it, well, straight-away actually, I was hooked. It has... Continue Reading →

Six Days Out of the Shadowlands

I have lived in the sunlight and out of the shadowlands for six days now, and life has picked up pace.  The sky seems radiant, the sun shines, the trees are wonderfully verdant, and I have been active.  It is no longer difficult to get out of bed, or do the everyday things like cleaning... Continue Reading →

Young woman who committed suicide was called ‘a f****** waste of space’ by mental health worker

Politics and Insights


Suicidal Hannah Groves did not get the support and care she needed

The  Mirror reports: “In the UK the number of ­women taking their own lives has grown steadily since 2011. Mental health issues make up 23 per cent of those with health problems making contact with the NHS. But mental health provision has received only 13 per cent of the overall funding. Since 2011 the number of beds for mental health patients has fallen by 8 per cent.”

Last year female suicides hit a ten year high.  In 2015 – 2016, only 55% of mental health trusts reported increases to budgets since 2012, when “parity of esteem” with physical health was promised by the government.

Last year, a leaked report by a government taskforce painted a bleak picture of England’s mental health services, revealing that the number of people killing themselves was soaring, three-quarters of those with psychiatric conditions…

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Of Light and Sorrow

A lot has happened in the last week and a half. I have a new place to live, and managed to sort out the deposit and rent for the first month.  I am nervous about moving into a house share but that will resolve itself. Last Friday, (today is Wednesday) I hit another low.  B... Continue Reading →

Going for the Knives

Yesterday I spent a day in a place of safety.  Fortunately we don't own any super sharp knives that would slice cleanly, so all I have are scratches.  I didn't have the courage to stab the knife into my wrist, it wasn't the fear of pain, but actually a more sober thought of the damage... Continue Reading →

Bucket List

That morning I went to the GP to discuss the fact that I have now become completely tolerant to my medication, and am jumping when butterflies float past, and when people dropping little bits of paper, and doors closing, and usual day to day sounds.  Such fun. I got the locum doctor.  He told me... Continue Reading →

Now the Drugs Don’t Work

Call me slow on the uptake.  It probably only took a month or two to realise that I'm drowning again, and it feels like I'm almost back at square one, and this time it feels like I haven't even got the will to try to drag myself out of it, but I will. Day operated... Continue Reading →

Talk to Me

I was sitting in a pub, at some point in my history, it was on a Friday evening after work.  A tide was washing over me, the tide was sweeping in and out, and each time it swept over me I felt something of myself being swept out to sea.  That's what it felt like,... Continue Reading →

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